Are you cold? I am.

I’ve done it. I actually ate my lunch in my bathtub—and loved it.

Yes, I admit it. I’m one of those crazy people who wear sweatshirts in the summer because of the air conditioning. One of those people who have central AC and a space heater in every room. A person who hides three to five layers of clothing under their clothes.

I’ve been cold all my life, but freezing temperatures in Texas in November! It hit me like a sledge hammer. I’d like to think my two bath a day habit has developed due the sudden temperature change, but I doubt it.

The news calls the cold snap the Polar Vortex or something like that. I prefer Snowpocalypse. But of course, we didn’t see any snow in Austin. But, that never deters our local, super-committed, hyper vigilant weather people from reporting all aspects of any weather crisis. Last year, we got round-the-clock news coverage of a dripping icicle. Yes, that was one of the three times Austin cancelled school last year without any snow on the ground. Can’t wait to see what fun we will get this year.

Which reminds me of one of my all-time favorite clips from MadTV.

But, I digress. I have been considering my situation and have come to a monumental decision—my feet shall be cold no longer. I have a few great ideas, of course. First off, I plan to invest in an electric blanket and perhaps a Snuggie.

Everyone should have a Snuggie, right? How can I have made it this long without that major investment. And, new this year are Snuggie-like blankets with footies. What will we have next?

I’ve also been considering going into business on QVC. Yes, the world will thank me for—wait for it—the first hover heater that can follow a person around the house, guaranteeing their legs will never be cold again. It’ll sell millions.

Or, I can just wait till Sunday. The weather people are projecting highs in the eighties. Thank you Central Texas.

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